Alone
by KnightOwl17
Summary: Never before has Merlin felt the weight of his destiny so heavy upon his shoulders. The threats to Camelot just keep coming, and Merlin is feeling drained. But things are only about to get worse after a trip to the vaults with Gwaine comes with unintended consequences. Merlin's secret suddenly becomes that much harder to keep. And it isn't long before Arthur becomes suspicious.
1. Distracted

**A/N: So first of all, for those of you who are following my other story right now (To Be Your Servant), I would just like to apologize for not being able to update that one today. I had really hoped to post a new chapter for that story in addition to starting this new one, but unfortunately, it just didn't happen. But I hope to have the next chapter up by no later than Monday night, so don't worry. It is coming!**

**Next, I would like to say that the idea for this new story came from rmatri540, who sent me a PM with the prompt. My mind immediately snapped up the idea and ran with it, and so here we are. Thanks again for the great idea! Although now I have to put up with a brain that is working on more than one story, so it's all your fault! (Lol, just kidding. My brain has _always _been working on multiple stories, ever since I was a little kid, and I've never been able to do anything about it).**

**Anyway, enjoy the first chapter!**

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Merlin took a break from moving about Arthur's chambers, tidying up, to stare absently out the window. The sun had risen warm and bright over Camelot today. And down below, the courtyard was bustling with servants and guards and knights, all hurrying about to do their various separate tasks and duties. It was just a normal morning for all of them. Nothing out of the ordinary. But as he stared down at the scene before him, Merlin couldn't help but shudder to think how close they had all been to _not_ waking up to another normal day.

Of course, no one _else _was aware of that fact. No one else knew of the events that had transpired last night. No one else knew that there had been yet another threat to Camelot as once again, a bitter sorcerer sought revenge for the unjust murders of so many people whose only crime was that they had possessed magic. No, Merlin was the only one who knew. Perhaps if anyone else had been made aware of the close call, the people wouldn't be moving about so calmly down below him now. It would likely incite panic within the city.

But no one else _did _know. It was just Merlin. And for the young warlock who was starting to feel older and older with every new threat that he faced, it was just business as usual. He did everything in his power to protect Camelot and her King, and no one else, save for Gaius of course, had any idea.

Merlin sighed at the burden that only seemed to get heavier and heavier on his shoulders. He was tired. And not just physically. He was mentally exhausted as well. No matter how many of Camelot's enemies he managed to defeat, there was always another to replace the previous one. It was a never-ending cycle. And Merlin was the only one for the job. Because of his destiny. Because of the great power that he possessed. There was no one else for him to rely on. Sure, Gaius may be there to help him along and offer support and advice, but in the end, it all came down to him. Merlin. He was the only one. The fate of the kingdom rested on _his_ shoulders. Nobody else's. He was completely and utterly alone.

Suddenly, Merlin was jolted out of his thoughts when something connected with the side of his head. He jumped away from the window in surprise, his heart pounding in his chest. Looking down at the floor, then, he breathed a huge sigh of relief as he soon realized that it had only been a pillow. Of course, that meant –

"_Mer_lin!" Arthur said exasperatedly.

"_What_?" Merlin replied in irritation, bending down to pick the pillow up off the floor. Apparently the King had decided to vacate the seat at his desk in favor of finding objects to throw at his manservant's head.

"Wake _up_, Merlin! I've been trying to get your attention for the past minute now!" Arthur continued, crossing his arms and glaring at Merlin from his position next to the bed.

Merlin frowned. Had he really been that deep in thought? That he hadn't even heard the prat calling out to him from across the room? It wasn't a voice that could easily be ignored. And he would know. He had tried many times before to just tune out Arthur's voice. He was rarely ever successful.

"What did you want, Sire?" he asked at last, turning away to look out on the courtyard once more.

"I want to know what's _wrong_ with you!" Arthur answered, his patience beginning to wear thin.

"What do you mean?" Merlin asked, still staring out the window.

"You seem distracted by something."

"Why do you say that?" Merlin responded, only half listening.

"Because you haven't _said _anything all morning, and you just keep staring out that window!"

"I thought you were reading through reports," Merlin said, turning to look at Arthur who, at some point in the last few seconds, had moved closer to where Merlin stood by the window. "I was under the impression that you didn't like to be disturbed when you were busy with paperwork."

"That's never stopped you before, _Mer_lin. So tell me. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Merlin said quickly. "Everything's perfectly fine. Everything's...normal." He took another quick glance out the window to assure himself that, yes, those words were true. The last thing he needed to do right now was to jinx himself. But everything continued to run smoothly down below. Everyone was moving along with their morning routine, blissfully unaware of the danger they had narrowly avoided overnight.

Merlin wished that he could join them in their ignorance. Because_ knowing_ was so difficult. It weighed so heavily down upon him. And there was no one there to share the burden. Except for Gaius. But it wasn't as though the old physician could be of very much help. His words of solace and comfort were never enough to stop the nightmares. They were never enough to keep Merlin from feeling paranoid for days after another threat had been dealt with. He would constantly be looking over his shoulder, waiting for the next attack. And another one always did come eventually. It was only ever a question of _when_.

"Ow!" Merlin hissed when Arthur cuffed him around the head. "What was _that_ for?"

"For not paying attention," Arthur answered. "Did you even hear a single word I just said?"

Merlin groaned as he rubbed the back of his head. "You were talking?"

Arthur resisted the urge to hit his manservant again. But instead, he settled for just glaring at the young man before him, who he now noticed appeared to be extremely nervous, as well as severely sleep-deprived.

"What is going on, Merlin?" Arthur said slowly and seriously then. "Something's bothering you, isn't it?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Then why have you been unable to get any of your work done this morning?"

"I could ask you the same question," Merlin replied, glancing over at the King's desk, where a neat stack of papers still sat in the corner, untouched.

"_Mer_lin!"

"What?"

"Just answer the question!"

Merlin sighed. "I'm sorry, _Sire. _ I'll get back to work right away."

Arthur just shook his head as he watched Merlin walk over to his bed then to put the pillow back in its place and smooth out the wrinkles of the sheets. Before he could continue his line of questioning, however, the door to his chambers burst open, and in walked Gwaine, who, unlike the other two occupants of the room, appeared to be thoroughly enjoying his morning.

"Gwaine, how many times do I have to tell you to knock?" Arthur asked, becoming frustrated. "You're getting to be almost as bad as Merlin."

Gwaine just smiled at the King. "Sorry, Princess. I actually just came by to see if Merlin was available. Seeing as you cancelled practice this morning and all-"

"_You_ may have the morning off, _Sir _Gwaine, but Merlin does not."

"Aw, come on now," Gwaine pleaded.

"I know what you're planning to do and the answer is no," Arthur responded. "It is _far _too early to be going off to the tavern. I believe you have other duties to attend to today, anyway."

Gwaine rolled his eyes. "Just one drink, Arthur. I'm not going out on patrol for _hours_ yet."

Arthur rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. He was really starting to get a headache.

"What do you say? Will you give Merlin the morning off?" Gwaine pressed.

Arthur looked over at Merlin, who appeared to only be half-listening to the conversation as he continued to straighten out the bed sheets. Finally, he shook his head. That was the last thing Merlin needed right now. To go drinking with Gwaine.

"I need Merlin here," he answered at last.

"Arthur-"

"_Gwaine_," Arthur said, his voice taking on a warning tone. "I am not in the mood to argue. I am extremely busy this morning."

Before Gwaine could reply then, someone else came running through the cracked open door of the chambers.

It was a young servant that Merlin immediately recognized from the kitchens. He couldn't remember his name, however. The boy was always moving so fast. He never seemed to run out of energy. And it made it nearly impossible to have a conversation with him for longer than a few seconds at a time.

Arthur was really starting to get annoyed. First Merlin. Then Gwaine. And now the _other servants_ didn't even bother to knock? What did he have to do? Put up a sign?

"Yes, what is it?" Arthur inquired, too exhausted to even reprimand the boy.

"Geoffrey of Monmouth is requesting some help down in the vaults, Sire. He needs someone who can reach some higher shelves in the back room."

Arthur nodded. "Thank you. You may go. I'll send someone along shortly."

The boy bounded out of the room and Arthur turned his attention back to Gwaine. "You can go down to the vaults to help Geoffrey."

"What? But that-"

"It shouldn't take too long. Geoffrey's just been looking through some of the old books that are down there."

"What are they doing in the vaults and not the library?" the knight inquired.

"Many of them are books of sorcery. My father wouldn't allow them to be in the library," Arthur explained. Behind him, Merlin suddenly looked far more interested in the conversation.

"But others are just old and valuable," the King continued, shrugging. Merlin turned away again.

Gwaine sighed. "Alright. Fine. I'll go help out ol' Geoffrey." The knight turned to go.

On the way back to his desk, Arthur's gaze fell on Merlin, who seemed to be gazing back out the window again.

"Take Merlin with you," he said suddenly.

"What?" Gwaine and Merlin said in unison, both turning to look at Arthur.

"I thought you needed me here?" Merlin asked.

Arthur shook his head. "Just do it," he said exasperatedly. "I'm tired of watching you stare out that window. It's distracting me."

Normally, Merlin would have come up with some kind of witty response to something like that, but he was feeling pretty distracted himself today. And so without saying a word, he crossed the room and quickly followed Gwaine out of the chambers and into the corridor outside. He closed the door gently behind them then, and the two of them headed off in the direction of the vaults.

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**A/N: As always, I love getting reviews! Until next time! :)**


	2. The Vaults

**A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry for the wait. I've gone far too long without updating this story. But here's the next chapter at last. Enjoy!**

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Merlin wondered why Arthur had felt the need to torture him like this. The whole thing was completely ridiculous, of course. The King had claimed to be _distracted_ by his staring out the window. That's why he had sent him with Gwaine.

"_The prat was supposed to be looking at paperwork_," Merlin thought to himself bitterly. "_Not _me. _And now I have to listen to Gwaine's non-stop ramblings."_

For the knight was, indeed, rambling. "So he'll let you out of your usual chores for some _more_ work, but he won't give you just a little break and let you go for a drink? Why must the princess be so _irritating? _I don't know how you put up with him, Merlin. Really. At least I get the chance to swing a sword at his head during training practice. But you? I don't know how you can stand it. I could help you get back at him sometime if you like."

Merlin rubbed absently at the back of his neck as he felt a pounding headache coming on. He was at least thankful that he wasn't really required to say much. Gwaine was talking enough for the both of them. All he really needed to do was to nod from time to time to make it appear as though he was at least mildly interested. Even so, when he tried his best to tune out what Gwaine was saying as they walked, he was only half successful.

By the time they had descended the last set of stairs that led to the vaults, Gwaine had described in great detail exactly nine different ways that they could get revenge on Arthur. Merlin was somewhat alarmed at how much thought Gwaine seemed to have put into each of these plans. He knew that Arthur had denied Gwaine the chance to go to the tavern several times before by saddling the knight with extra duties. But he hadn't realized until now just how much this annoyed the man.

As they approached the two guards who were keeping watch at the entrance to the vaults, Merlin found himself hugging his thin jacket closer to his body. It was _freezing_ down here. He waited as Gwaine explained to the guards what they were doing in the vaults, and his mind began to wander once more.

_Cold. _It had been _extremely _cold last night. At least, it had been for Merlin. Anyone else may have said that it had been a very warm night. But none of them had felt the icy touch of the sorcerer's magic. It had reminded him of the bone-chilling cold that he had felt when he had been touched by the dorocha. And it had stabbed through him like a knife, and dulled all of his senses, making it difficult to think, to act, to even _breathe._

"Merlin," Gwaine said, shaking his friend's shoulder to bring him out of his thoughts.

Merlin shook his head. "What?" he asked.

"You okay, mate? Somehow, I get the feeling you weren't exactly in Camelot just now."

_"Close enough,_" Merlin thought. For he had confronted the sorcerer just outside of Camelot. In the clearing where he so often summoned Kilgharrah.

Kilgharrah. If it hadn't been for him...

Gwaine was now waving his hand in front of Merlin's face. "Merlin."

Merlin pulled out of his thoughts once more only to find that Gwaine was now staring at him in concern.

"Sorry, I was just thinking," Merlin said, trying to sound as casual as possible.

Gwaine wasn't fooled. "Is there something wrong, Merlin?"

Merlin quickly shook his head. "No, of course not. Let's just get this over with, shall we?"

Gwaine noticed how Merlin was shivering slightly in the cold as they passed through the entrance into the vaults. It was really no wonder, he thought. Merlin was far too skinny. But perhaps what was a little more difficult to explain was why the young man kept slipping off into a daze. Even now, Gwaine could tell that Merlin was once again daydreaming.

Merlin felt a nudge in the arm. Looking around he saw Gwaine staring at him again.

"Seriously, Merlin. What's going on?"

"Nothing," Merlin insisted. He looked around then, so that he would have an excuse not to meet Gwaine's gaze.

Merlin had been down in the vaults a few times before. Of course, a couple of those times, he hadn't exactly been given permission to be there. And so he hadn't really had time to look at and admire everything that was kept down here, as he had needed to be in and out as quickly as possible.

As they headed for the back of the vaults, Merlin let his eyes wander over all of the jewels and chests and ancient artifacts that lined the shelves of the different rooms and the boxes that were stacked up against the walls.

"Impressive, isn't it?" Gwaine asked.

Merlin nodded. Of course, the most impressive thing about the place, at least for Merlin, was the constant hum of magic that seemed to be coming from every direction. Because this was, of course, where all of the magical objects and artifacts were kept. And judging by the feeling that was sweeping over and through Merlin right now, there were quite a few objects of magical nature down here.

Looking over at Gwaine, Merlin wondered if the knight could feel it. All of that power. But Gwaine's expression remained impassive, and so Merlin decided that he probably couldn't. They continued in silence to the very back room of the vaults to discover that Geoffrey of Monmouth was waiting for them.

"Ah, yes," the old man said, turning at their arrival. "Help at last."

Gwaine just nodded his head. "Yes. How can we help you?"

Looking around, Merlin saw that, except for one corner of the room where there were a few old wooden boxes stacked up, the entire room was lined with bookshelves. Only, for the most part, they were completely empty. And that was because most of the books had been pulled out onto the floor and sorted into two large piles.

Geoffrey sighed as he pointed up to the top shelves near the ceiling. "Unfortunately, I am no longer as young as I once was. If you could-?"

"Say no more," Gwaine interrupted. He immediately grabbed one of the boxes from the corner and placed it in front of the first bookshelf. Standing on top of it, he found that he was just able to reach the top shelf.

"Do you want all of them down?" Gwaine asked.

"Yes, please."

Gwaine nodded and began handing the books down to Merlin, who handed them to Geoffrey, who placed them into one of the two piles.

"What exactly are you doing?" Merlin asked curiously, as he watched Geoffrey thinking hard, trying to decide which pile to put a particular book in.

"Deciding which books are going to go back up to the library," the man explained.

"What are they doing down here in the first place?"

"All of these books were banned from the library by Uther."

"Why?" Gwaine asked.

"Many of them are books of sorcery. Others just contain mentions of sorcery and describe its effects."

"But Gaius has lots of books like that," Merlin said. "He uses them to find information whenever there's a magical threat. To figure out how to defeat it. Uther knew that."

Geoffrey nodded. "Yes, he did. It is mostly actual spellbooks that were banned. Books that contain incantations and tell you how to use them." Geoffrey gestured towards the larger of the two piles. "However, there are several more like the ones that Gaius has in his chambers which somehow got mixed in with the others. These are the ones I intend to move back up to the library." He now indicated the second, considerably smaller, pile of books.

But Merlin was looking at the other pile. The larger pile. All of these were spellbooks? Merlin had to wonder why Uther hadn't simply had them burned. He could _feel_ the magic lingering between the pages of those books. And he wanted nothing more than to look through them all. Devour each and every page. He had already read his own magic book from cover to cover. He couldn't even begin to imagine the kind of knowledge he might be able to gain from the volumes he saw before him.

It did not take long at all for Gwaine to clear the top shelves of all their books, and soon they had all been sorted. Gwaine jumped down off of the box and grinned. "All done."

"Yes," Geoffrey answered. "Of course, all of these books must go back on the shelves, now," he pointed to the first pile. "And those need to go up to the library," he indicated the second pile.

Gwaine's mouth fell open slightly as he took in the sight of the monstrous pile of books that needed to go back on the shelves. "_All _of these?" he asked.

"Well, of course. We can't just leave them lying here," Geoffrey said, bending to scoop up several books from the second, smaller, pile.

"Why not? It's not as though anyone ever comes down here, anyway," Gwaine grumbled to himself so that only Merlin would hear it.

Geoffrey straightened up then and turned his attention on Merlin and Gwaine. "You two can start putting those back now. Then when you're done, you can bring the rest of that pile up to the library."

"Right," Gwaine said, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice.

Geoffrey smiled. "Thank you."

He then turned to go, leaving Gwaine and Merlin alone in the vaults with a very large pile of magic books.

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**A/N: Reviews are always appreciated! Until next time! :)**


	3. Suppression

**A/N: So here we are with Chapter 3! It probably took me about twice as long as it should have to finish this chapter, as my sister insisted on sitting at the desk in my bedroom as I was typing and singing everything from the Bee Gees to OneRepublic (Completely off-key, I might add). Needless to say, it was very difficult to concentrate.**

**Anyway, thanks again to rmatri540 for providing the prompt for this story. Enjoy!**

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Gwaine sighed as the echoes of Geoffrey's departing footfalls faded away.

"Well, I suppose we better get a move on, then," he said, bending down to pick up a few of the books.

But Merlin hardly heard him. He was just staring at the pile of books before him. He could feel the magic radiating from them; rolling over him in waves.

"Merlin," Gwaine said.

Merlin looked up to meet the knight's gaze.

"Are you sure you're alright, mate?"

"Of course," Merlin answered, picking up a couple books of his own and heading over to the bookshelf on the opposite wall.

"No. Something is definitely up with you," Gwaine pressed.

"What makes you say that?" Merlin asked, as he placed the books on the shelf before turning back for more. All the while, he tried to avoid making eye contact with Gwaine.

"You're just not yourself today. You're daydreaming, not saying very much-"

"I'm just a little tired," Merlin replied.

Gwaine raised his eyebrows and flashed Merlin a smile that clearly said that he didn't believe it.

"I'll find out one way or another," he warned. "You could make things a whole lot easier for the both of us if you just told me now."

"There's nothing to tell, Gwaine. Really." And then Merlin tried for one of his usual smiles in an attempt to look more convincing. But Gwaine just shook his head and turned his attention back to the books.

"I wonder if there's anything in one of these books that we could use on the princess the next time he refuses to give you some time off," Gwaine commented, turning a particularly large volume over in his hands.

"What?" Merlin's head snapped up in shock.

"Easy, mate. I was only joking." Gwaine placed the book on one of the higher shelves. "Magic is _definitely _not something to be messed with. It's far too dangerous."

Merlin nodded and went back to work. "Right."

"_I know that better than anyone," _he thought to himself.

There was silence then for another minute or so as the two of them worked to replace all of the books onto the shelves. Merlin was finding it harder and harder not to crack open any of the texts that he was putting away. The temptation was almost too much. It probably wouldn't be the wisest thing to do, though. Not with someone else standing in the room with him. Geoffrey may not have specifically _told _them not to open the books, but Merlin was pretty sure that it was implied.

Then, Merlin picked up a large leather-bound spellbook. The title was printed in an ancient language, one that Merlin did not recognize. And as he ran his hand over the worn cover, he could feel the magic within, almost like a pulse or a heartbeat. Like it was _alive._

This book felt different from the others that Merlin had touched so far. The magic radiating from it felt so _strange. _So _old._

Glancing over his shoulder, Merlin watched as Gwaine stood on one of those boxes again and started to organize the books that he had placed on the top shelf. Then he turned back to the book in his hands and very slowly began to lift the cover.

"You don't think Geoffrey wants these in any particular order, do you?" Gwaine suddenly asked, causing Merlin to snap the book shut quickly.

"Oh, um...No, I don't think so. He didn't say anything about it," Merlin replied quickly.

"Yeah, I suppose there's really no reason for it," the knight said. "It's not as though anyone is ever going to read any of these. Why we're even bothering to keep them is beyond me."

"Uh huh," Merlin said absently, still staring intently at the spellbook.

Gwaine raised his eyebrows. "Find something interesting there, mate?"

"What? No," Merlin replied quickly, shoving the book onto the shelf and turning around to pick up some more. There were still a _lot _of books to shelve.

Gwaine just shook his head and turned back to his work. He needed to figure out some way to get Merlin to talk. Jumping down off the box, he looked up at the work he had just done. The top shelf was now full of books. He then turned to the opposite wall, where a completely empty bookshelf stood waiting. Sighing, he picked up the box and walked over to the corner where it had been stacked with the others. He wanted to exchange it for a sturdier container, as the one he had now felt as though it would soon collapse under his weight.

The knight pulled another box off of the stack to reveal an open box underneath. Peering inside, Gwaine saw that it had been filled with many strange looking objects that he guessed were most likely magical in nature. But then he saw something that he recognized. And he smiled as an idea suddenly came to him.

Meanwhile, as soon as Merlin was sure that Gwaine was occupied once more, he grabbed that same book off of the shelf and didn't hesitate to open it this time. He flipped to a page somewhere in the middle and stared down at all of the unfamiliar words that covered the old and yellowed pages.

And suddenly, it was as though the magic from the book was pouring out of the pages, washing over Merlin and _through_ him, creating an odd sensation that made Merlin feel slightly dizzy. He couldn't quite explain the feeling. It was almost like the magic from the spellbook was somehow _competing _with his own magic. Merlin didn't like it. He made to shut the book.

But then something clapped onto Merlin's left wrist. Confused, he looked over and immediately recognized it to be a manacle.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to place you under arrest," Gwaine's voice said from behind him.

Merlin dropped the book and whirled around to face the knight, suddenly terrified.

Gwaine laughed at the startled expression on Merlin's face. "Joking," he said quickly, realizing how badly he'd frightened the young man. "But I do have to wonder what you're doing reading a magic book," the knight continued, bending to scoop up the dropped book and replacing it on the shelf.

"I...nothing. I was just curious. Now can you please let me go, Gwaine?" Merlin held up his wrist.

The knight smiled and held up his own wrist. It, too, had a manacle encircling it. Gwaine had joined them together. "Not until you tell me what's bothering you."

"Gwaine," Merlin said exasperatedly. "We don't have time for jokes right now. Now please-"

But Merlin immediately stopped speaking when he caught a closer glimpse of the shackle on his wrist. There were strange markings engraved all around the metal. Symbols of the Old Religion. Recognition dawned on the young warlock then, and panic began to rise up within him. These were no ordinary cuffs. These were magic-suppressing cuffs.

"Gwaine, please take it off," Merlin said hurriedly. He could feel his magic retreating deep inside of him. He suddenly felt colder, emptier. But that wasn't all.

Because Merlin could still feel the foreign magic from that spellbook moving through him. Only there was no place for it to go. It was trapped inside of him like his own magic was, being pushed down deep inside, and it was making him feel ill.

"Gwaine, please!" Merlin said desperately. A dull pain was starting to form in his chest and radiate outwards to the rest of his body.

Gwaine was confused by Merlin's reaction to the manacle. But seeing how distressed the young man seemed to be by it, Gwaine held out the key he had been holding in his unshackled hand and unlocked Merlin's manacle.

Merlin wrenched his wrist free from the shackle and immediately recoiled away from the metal, breathing hard.

"Merlin," Gwaine said urgently. "What's wrong? Merlin?"

Merlin just shook his head as he squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm...fine," he finally managed to get out between breaths for air. "I'm sorry, Gwaine. I just..."

"Panicked?" Gwaine supplied.

Merlin just nodded and Gwaine frowned as he placed a firm hand on Merlin's shoulder. "I didn't mean to scare you, mate."

"You didn't," Merlin replied quickly, opening his eyes at last to meet Gwaine's concerned gaze.

"Merlin," Gwaine replied, unconvinced. "What is wrong? It's not like you to be so _jumpy._ What are you afraid of?"

"Nothing," Merlin answered, in as firm a voice as he could manage. "Let's just finish putting these books away. It's freezing down here."

"Right," Gwaine agreed, realizing that he was probably not going to get anything out of Merlin at the moment. He turned away to face that pile of books again.

"Really, Gwaine," Merlin said then. "I mean it. I'm okay."

Turning back to get a good look at his friend, Gwaine saw that Merlin had somehow managed to plaster a smile onto his face in the last few seconds. And it almost looked convincing. He may have actually been fooled by it if he hadn't just seen the panic in Merlin's eyes only moments before when he had had that shackle on his wrist. And it bothered him immensely that the mask Merlin was currently wearing _was_ so believable. Had he actually fallen for it before? At a time when he didn't know any better? Of course, the answer to that was probably _yes._ Merlin hated bringing any sort of attention to himself, Gwaine knew. If something was ever bothering him, he would do everything in his power to keep it to himself.

After a moment of consideration, Gwaine decided to leave Merlin alone for now. Give him the chance to calm down. Then maybe he would be more willing to talk about whatever it was that was bothering him. But, Gwaine thought to himself, as he turned back to his work, there was no way he was going to let this drop.

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Merlin tried to focus on the task before him. But he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. As soon as the cuff had been removed from his wrist, his magic had begun to spread throughout his body once more, and the pain in his chest had immediately receded. It was exactly what was supposed to happen with the removal of magic-suppressing manacles. But something still felt off, and Merlin began to feel nauseated.

_"Probably just a side effect,"_ he thought. _"It'll go away."_

And so Merlin did his best to ignore the sickening feeling in his stomach as he moved to help Gwaine finish the job. He was no longer interested in reading any of the volumes that he was shelving. He just wanted to get out of the vaults as soon as possible. Then maybe he could warm up by the fire in the physician's chambers. Because it was far too cold down here, and Merlin could feel shivers running down his spine.

Although, he reflected, that might not be entirely due to the temperature of the room.

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**A/N: Thank you so much for all of the follows, favorites, and reviews for this story! I really appreciate all of the support! Until next time! :)**


	4. Cold

**A/N: Apologies for the long wait...Again. Anyway, I hope you enjoy Chapter 4!**

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Merlin and Gwaine worked quickly to finish shelving the rest of the books in the first pile. Even still, it took them far longer to complete the task than either of them had hoped it would. Merlin found himself sighing in relief when, at long last, the last book had been put away and all that remained were the volumes that needed to be taken to the library.

"Okay," Gwaine said, looking down at the pile of books, "let's see if we can get them all in one trip, yeah?"

Merlin nodded and bent to pick up some books.

"Are you sure you can handle so many?" Gwaine asked, eyeing Merlin skeptically as the number of books the young man continued to pick up grew.

"Gwaine, I've been carrying around Arthur's armor and weapons for years. I think I can manage a few books."

"I don't doubt it," Gwaine answered, reaching down to grab some books of his own. "But you're looking quite pale at the moment, mate. Don't overdo it."

"I'm fine," Merlin said automatically.

Gwaine just shook his head. "There's too many of them," he said, straightening up, his arms filled with books. "One of us will have to make a second trip. Come on."

Merlin nodded and straightened himself up as well before following Gwaine from the room. He found his mind drifting as they made their way back through the vaults and up the stairs back into the main castle.

Merlin had hoped that once they were out of the vaults, the chill that had gripped him when he was down in that cold, stone room would leave him. That carrying all those books up several flights of stairs would be enough to warm him up a bit.

But it wasn't. As he followed Gwaine to the library, the cold only seemed to grow and spread throughout Merlin's body, until his insides felt like ice. He shivered involuntarily and nearly dropped a few books as he shifted his arms slightly into a more comfortable position. His load seemed to get heavier and heavier with every step that he took.

Gwaine was speaking again. Talking about his plans to go to the tavern later when he got back from patrol. Unlike their walk down to the vaults, Merlin tried to focus on everything the knight was saying now, in an attempt to distract himself from the waves of nausea that continued to wash over him in increasing frequency. Gwaine remained completely oblivious to his sudden mysterious affliction, for which Merlin was grateful. The last thing he wanted was for Gwaine to become worried about him. He would go see Gaius after he finished helping with the books, he decided. The physician would know what to do.

They finally reached the library and walked inside. Geoffrey of Monmouth was working his way through some paperwork at his desk, and looked up when he heard the two men enter.

"Ah, yes," he said, pushing his chair back and getting to his feet. "This way, please."

He led Gwaine and Merlin to the back of the library and pointed to a large table in the corner.

"Just leave them there," Geoffrey said. "I'll have to shelve them later."

Merlin let out a sigh of relief when he was finally able to set down the books.

"You okay, mate?" Gwaine asked, finally getting a better look at Merlin. "You look-"

"_Fine_, Gwaine," Merlin interrupted. "I'm fine. Just a little tired."

"I told you not to take so many books," the knight replied, clapping a hand to Merlin's back. "I think you've worn yourself out."

Merlin nodded. "Yeah, you're probably right."

This answer seemed to satisfy Gwaine, for he turned away then to speak to Geoffrey.

"I just need to make one more trip back to the vaults to pick up the rest of the books. There's just a few more left down there that we couldn't carry in one trip."

Geoffrey nodded. "I appreciate the help. Thank you."

Gwaine turned back to Merlin then as Geoffrey moved back to his desk near the front of the library.

"Why don't you take it easy for the rest of the day, Merlin? Don't let Arthur work you too hard."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "I don't think Arthur's going to go easy on me just because I didn't sleep well last night, Gwaine."

"Would you like me to have a word with him?" Gwaine asked seriously.

"No, Gwaine. I wouldn't."

"How about a drink later tonight then? When the princess has released you for the evening?"

Despite feeling ill, Merlin managed a small smile as he shook his head at the knight. "I don't think so Gwaine. I think I'm just going to go to bed early tonight."

Gwaine sighed as he began walking away. "You're really no fun, Merlin." Then he flashed another smile over his shoulder before disappearing around the corner.

Finally alone, Merlin took a moment to take in a few deep, calming breaths. Ever since Gwaine had placed that magic-suppressing manacle on his wrist, he had felt ill. He was slightly dizzy, and pulling his jacket tighter around himself did absolutely nothing to fight against the cold that was not coming from outside of Merlin's body, but instead seemed to be trapped somewhere deep inside.

_"I need to see Gaius," _Merlin thought, trying to suppress a shiver.

"Was there something you needed?" Geoffrey said from behind Merlin, causing the young man to jump slightly in surprise at the sudden reappearance of the older man.

"Uh, no," Merlin said quickly, turning to face Geoffrey as he spoke.

"Best be on your way then," the man replied.

Merlin nodded. "Right." He moved away from Geoffrey then, heading for the exit.

Once outside of the library, Merlin hurried towards the physician's chambers. He walked with his arms crossed and pulled in tightly to his chest, trying in vain to warm himself up. He began to shiver, instead, and it was becoming harder and harder to think straight.

Which is probably why, right there in the middle of the corridor, where anyone may have seen him should they happen to turn the corner, Merlin performed a quick spell under his breath.

It was a heating spell, meant to warm him up a bit. But as soon as the words were out of his mouth, Merlin's head began to throb in pain from the effort it had taken him. His magic was still weak then from being suppressed, even for just that short amount of time.

But it worked. Merlin could feel the warmth spreading throughout his body, replacing all the ice. Sighing in relief, he continued on to his destination, hoping that Gaius would have something to help his magic recover more quickly.

* * *

It wasn't until he was climbing the final staircase that led to the physician's chambers that Merlin thought about Arthur. The prat probably had a whole list of chores for him to complete this afternoon, and he wasn't likely to be too pleased if Merlin failed to make an appearance back in his chambers soon. He would have to make his visit with Gaius as brief as possible.

He reached the chamber door and made to open it, when somebody else suddenly swung it open from the inside. And then Merlin was face to face with none other than-

"Arthur!" he said, startled. "What are you-? I mean, I was just – on my way to your chambers."

Arthur rolled his eyes as he stood in the doorway, blocking Merlin's entrance. "Yes, Merlin, I can see that," he replied sarcastically. "Trying to avoid your chores today? Perhaps planning a trip to the tavern with Gwaine later on?"

"No!" Merlin replied indignantly. "I was just checking on Gaius, you clotpole! To see if he needed help with anything." He quickly decided that telling Arthur that he wasn't feeling very well was probably not a good idea, considering the magical element to his ailment.

"So you heard about the illness, then?" Arthur asked, surprised.

"What illness?" Merlin raised his eyebrows.

"There's a mysterious illness spreading throughout a couple of villages to the south," the King explained.

"Arthur only just delivered the news," Gaius said, suddenly appearing behind Arthur, who finally moved out of the way so that Merlin could enter the room.

"Is it serious?" Merlin asked, stepping over the threshold.

"Serious enough," Arthur answered. "No deaths yet. But so many people have been bedridden for a couple weeks now. They need a skilled physician."

"You're going, then?" Merlin asked Gaius, already knowing the answer.

"Hopefully it won't be for too long," Gaius said. "I leave first thing in the morning."

Merlin nodded. "Do you need any help with preparations?"

"I'm sure you have other duties to attend to today, Merlin-"

"It's fine, Gaius," Arthur interrupted. "You can have Merlin for the rest of the afternoon. I seem to get more work done anyway when he's not around to distract me."

Merlin rolled his eyes at the smirk on Arthur's face, but found that he wasn't really in the mood to banter.

"Thank you, Sire," Gaius said.

Arthur nodded towards the physician, gave Merlin one last scrutinizing look, and then took his leave, closing the large wooden door behind him.

"Okay, Merlin. Do you think you could grind up some herbs for me?" Gaius asked as soon as the King was gone.

Merlin nodded and headed over to the workbench, his own health suddenly forgotten in light of the news of this new illness. He only hoped that Gaius wouldn't have to be away too long.

* * *

**A/N: Feedback is always appreciated! Until next time! :)**


	5. Headaches

**A/N: Wow! The response to this story has been absolutely amazing. Thank you all so much for all of your follows/favorites/reviews. I really hope you continue to enjoy this story. Here's Chapter 5! **

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When Merlin blinked his eyes open the following morning, he made no move to get out of bed right away. He stared up at the ceiling for a few long moments and let out a deep sigh. It was quiet in the physician's chambers. Far too quiet. Because Merlin had become so accustomed to waking up to the sounds of his mentor moving about the main chamber on the other side of his bedroom door, always up early; always working on something.

Of course, Gaius would be gone already. He would have left at the crack of dawn. And that meant that Merlin was now alone. Completely and utterly alone.

Normally, that thought wouldn't bother him. It wasn't as though Merlin wasn't capable of taking care of himself. Because he was. He had managed quite nicely on his own in the past. And yet, a feeling of dread had somehow managed to settle in the pit of his stomach, and it was making Merlin feel nervous at the prospect of being left alone for the next few days.

Unable to lay still any longer, Merlin threw his blanket back and sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he did so. But a groan quickly escaped his lips a moment later as a stabbing pain shot through his head at the movement.

_"I must have sat up too quickly,"_ Merlin thought, although he somehow doubted that that was the case. Sighing, he slowly got to his feet then, and stood still for a moment as he tried to clear his head.

Much to Merlin's relief, except for the searing headache he could currently feel throbbing behind his eyes, he found that he seemed to be in otherwise good health. His heating spell must have worked then. He no longer felt a bone-chilling cold spreading throughout his body. He was going to be okay.

At least that's what he kept telling himself over and over as he dressed quickly and then headed out of his bedroom in search of a potion to cure his headache.

He sifted through Gaius' stores of medications, murmuring the names written on the labels of each bottle quietly to himself as he searched.

At last, he found the medication he was looking for. He immediately uncorked the bottle and downed half of its foul-tasting contents in one gulp. He coughed and hurried over to the other side of the room to get a drink of water.

And promptly had to sit down once he had reached the table as a sudden feeling of dizziness swept over him.

"_Okay. I need to stop moving so fast. Just take it easy."_

Merlin took some deep breaths and closed his eyes as he waited for the whirling sensation to pass. He tried to make himself relax, a difficult task considering the pounding that was going on inside his head. He really hoped that the medicine would begin to take effect soon.

Looking up, Merlin noticed a piece of parchment that had been left on the table. Pulling it towards him, he quickly skimmed through the message that had been written there from Gaius. Just a few reminders of tasks that needed to be completed while he was away. Merlin groaned when he saw that "Clean the leech tank" was at the top of the list.

And then the rest of the message suddenly became blurry. Merlin blinked and rubbed at his eyes in an attempt to bring the words before him back into focus. When that failed, he pushed the parchment away from him in frustration and stood up, trying to ignore the excruciating pain in his head as he did so.

_"This must be what it feels like to have a knife driven through my skull,"_ he thought bitterly.

Merlin stood still in the middle of the room for several long seconds before finally deciding that he should probably eat something. But as he looked around for anything edible to consume, he came to the realization that he really didn't feel like preparing anything.

_"I could always just eat some of Arthur's breakfast."_

Yes, that was exactly what he was going to do. Merlin had always thought that the cooks gave the King way too much food in the mornings, anyway. The royal was hardly likely to notice if a slice of meat or a piece of bread were to go missing from his plate.

As if to urge him onwards, Merlin's stomach began to grumble. He took a moment to shove the bottle that contained the rest of the headache medication into his jacket pocket. Then he headed for the exit.

* * *

Merlin took his time in walking down to the kitchens that morning. It meant that he was probably going to be late in waking Arthur up, but he couldn't really find it in himself to care. He was usually late, anyway. The King had almost come to expect it of him. And so he walked slowly, rubbing at the side of his head the whole way, hoping that relief would be coming soon.

By the time Merlin finally reached his destination, his headache had thankfully begun to lessen, if only slightly, into a dull ache. Unfortunately, as the different smells and aromas of the kitchens wafted through the air and reached Merlin's nose, he was overcome with a wave of nausea. And suddenly, his appetite was gone. Not to mention that the place seemed to be unusually warm today. It made Merlin feel ill.

He walked over to the table where the King's breakfast was sitting out, waiting to be picked up. He grabbed it off the table quickly and turned to leave, not wanting to linger in the stifling hot room any longer.

Merlin breathed a sigh of relief when he was finally back in the corridor. He felt a little better as he made his way to Arthur's chambers. He made sure not to look down at the food in his hands, though, for fear that it might make him feel ill again.

When he finally reached the royal chambers, Merlin entered the room without bothering to knock. There were two reasons for this today. The first reason was that Merlin hardly _ever _knocked, and so he figured that there was really no point in starting now. And secondly, Merlin was quite sure that even a soft knock would only serve to aggravate his headache further.

"Merlin," came the King's voice, as Merlin closed the door behind him.

"Sire," Merlin replied, not at all surprised that Arthur was already up and dressed. No doubt Gwen would have woken him up on time. He set the tray of food down on the table and immediately walked over to the other side of the chamber to make the bed.

"And how are you feeling _today_, _Mer_lin?" Arthur asked, heading over to the table.

Merlin frowned, rubbing absently at the back of his head. "Just fine, Sire," he answered at last.

"Good. There'll be no more distractions, then? You'll be able to get all your work done today?"

"Distractions?" Merlin asked, only half-listening.

Arthur rolled his eyes as he took a bite out of one of his sausages. "Apparently that would be too much to ask."

"Yes, Sire," Merlin said automatically, still not really paying attention to what was being said.

Arthur sighed, but decided not to respond. And, much to Merlin's relief, the King decided to finish the rest of his breakfast in silence.

* * *

To his surprise, and with each passing minute, Merlin began to feel just a little bit better as he moved around the chambers slowly, concentrating on tidying the place up. So the potion really did work, he thought. It just took a little time.

"Alright," Arthur finally said, standing up. "I have a lot to do today, Merlin, so I'm going to need you to pay attention."

"Of course, _Sire_," Merlin said sarcastically, finally starting to sound a little bit more like himself.

Arthur looked over at his manservant in surprise. Merlin was smiling at him, his eyebrows slightly raised. It wasn't his normal, big, goofy grin. But it was better than Arthur had seen in quite some time.

"You seem – _better_, all of a sudden," Arthur commented.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Merlin replied.

Arthur just shook his head. One of these days, he was just going to have to accept the fact that Merlin was not a normal person.

"Come on, then," Arthur said. "I have a council meeting to attend."

Merlin nodded and followed Arthur from the room, his headache at least manageable now if still not entirely gone.

But the worry over his headache completely disappeared a moment later as Merlin closed the chamber door behind him.

Because something far more concerning began to take place. Merlin felt a sudden chill grip at his chest and then very slowly begin to work its way out to the rest of his body. He felt exactly as he had yesterday, down in the vaults with Gwaine. He felt so _cold._ And he had absolutely no explanation at all for it. None.

Except that whatever was happening to him must have something to do with that magic-suppressing cuff Gwaine had placed on his wrist.

And, if he was being honest with himself, that absolutely terrified him.

* * *

**A/N: Poor Merlin. Things are definitely not looking too good for him right now. Let me know what you think! Until next time! :)**


	6. Freezing

**A/N: Good afternoon, everybody! I've completed another chapter at last! I'm not really sure why this one took so long to write. It's not terribly long or anything. But every time I would start typing it up, I ended up deleting it because I just didn't like how the words were flowing. I think I'm finally satisfied with it though. Enjoy!**

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Merlin was having trouble keeping his eyes open.

The morning's council meeting was dragging on for far longer than he would ever have believed was possible. The councilors discussed the same topics for hours on end, talking themselves in circles and never seeming to arrive at any resolutions or decisions, much to the annoyance and frustration of both Arthur, who was doing his best to steer the conversations in a more productive direction, and Merlin, who had long since stopped his attempts to follow what was being said.

Not that he was expected to listen, of course. Merlin's sole job in these meetings was to stand off to the side, in the background, ready to jump forward at any moment should Arthur have need of him.

But sometimes, and Merlin was pretty sure that Arthur didn't even realize he was doing it on many of those occasions, the King would ask for his manservant's opinion on something that had been discussed in one of the meetings. And so, flattered that Arthur would even care about what he had to say in the first place, Merlin had taken to paying closer attention to the councilors' discussions, so that, whenever it was that Arthur decided to ask him for advice, he would be well prepared for it.

He sincerely hoped, however, that today would not be one of those days in which Arthur sought out his counsel. Because he was fairly certain that he would not be able to come up with a satisfactory response.

All that had been able to reach Merlin's ears in the past hour and a half was a constant droning hum that was a mixture of all of the councilors' voices. But rather than being able to separate and make sense of them all, Merlin found that the noise was only serving to exacerbate his headache.

But what was even more worrying at the moment was the growing cold in Merlin's chest. It had been squeezing him tighter and tighter as the morning wore on, and Merlin was finding it to be more and more difficult to breathe with each passing minute. He needed this meeting to end _now. _Then he could make his excuses to Arthur before finding his way back to the physician's chambers so that he could figure something out.

Merlin was vaguely aware of two voices at the table beginning to argue. But what they were arguing about or to whom those voices belonged, Merlin couldn't say. He leaned back heavily against the pillar behind him and closed his eyes, hoping that the voices would stop soon and then he would be free to go. Another voice soon joined the others and Merlin knew, or at least _hoped,_ that this was Arthur intervening to put a stop to the pointless bickering between the noblemen of the council.

Another moment or two passed, and then the room went quiet. Merlin couldn't be sure, though, if this was because the council members had fallen silent, or if he was simply not hearing them any longer with his worsening condition. He had a horrible feeling that the latter explanation was most likely the correct one.

He felt as though his insides were turning to ice and it was so _painful, _like burning in a fire that was made up of icy flames. He imagined that this is what it must feel like to plunge through the frozen surface of a lake in the dead of winter. Like being stabbed in a thousand different places until you couldn't think about anything anymore except how much it _hurt_.

The pain. It was getting worse. Merlin had to wonder what it was that was keeping him from collapsing to the floor. He was pretty sure that he had already begun to slide down the pillar at his back. He couldn't breathe. He felt like he was drowning. Drowning in freezing cold water that was stabbing at every inch of his body from the inside out. He was sinking further and further down to where there would be no hope of getting any air into his lungs. There was nothing left in the world but _cold._ And Merlin felt his mind getting fuzzier. He had no more thoughts or feelings. There was just the cold. The freezing, icy cold...

Something was gripping Merlin's shoulder tightly, jolting him back into awareness. And suddenly, Merlin could feel a tiny spark of warmth inside of him, not exactly extinguishing the icy flames, but at least dulling the ache in his chest to something which was more bearable.

_"My magic...It's protecting me. Or trying to, anyway," _Merlin had time to think to himself before his vision came back into focus.

Merlin blinked. He was sitting on the ground, his back against the pillar, his knees drawn up almost to his chin. And crouched down in front of him, staring at him with raised eyebrows was-

"Arthur!"

"Merlin," Arthur replied in an even tone, trying to mask any concern he may have felt at that moment for his manservant. "What are you doing?"

"I...was just...a little dizzy," Merlin quickly invented, as he attempted to push himself up off the floor. He sank back down, however, when the world began spinning around him. He squeezed his eyes shut tight and let out a groan.

"Idiot," Arthur said, letting out a sigh as he watched Merlin lean his head back against the pillar.

Merlin just moaned in response.

"Are you sick?" Arthur demanded, even though he felt that the answer was rather obvious.

Merlin shook his head and opened his eyes again. "I'm fine," he said.

"Yes, I can see that," Arthur answered sarcastically. "Have you eaten at all, today?"

Merlin screwed up his face in concentration as he tried to think of the answer to the King's question. He knew that he had _intended_ to eat something this morning. He had been planning to take something off of Arthur's tray of food.

But then he had begun to feel ill, he suddenly remembered, and had therefore decided to skip breakfast altogether. He began to shake his head as this realization sank in.

"Well, no wonder you're dizzy, you dollophead!"

"My word," Merlin interrupted.

Arthur ignored him and continued speaking. "Honestly, Merlin. Gaius has been gone from Camelot for less than a day, and you're already having trouble taking care of yourself?"

"I only missed one meal, Arthur," Merlin protested.

"Your point being? Apparently it was enough to make you faint like a girl in front of the whole council."

Horrified, Merlin looked over Arthur's shoulder, fully expecting the entire council to be staring at him now.

But the room was empty except for the two of them. He let out a sigh of relief. Arthur had dismissed the council.

"Can you stand?" Arthur asked then, standing up straight again and offering his hand to Merlin.

Merlin took the King's outstretched hand and allowed himself to be pulled onto his feet. He could feel his magic moving around inside him, trying to loosen the icy cold grip on his chest. It was only partially successful.

Arthur shook his head. "You can't afford to be skipping meals, Merlin. You're far too light as it is."

"Oh, and I suppose I should just keep eating until I'm forced to put a new hole in my belt?" Merlin snapped.

Arthur shrugged as he took in Merlin's skinny frame. "Probably wouldn't hurt."

Merlin rolled his eyes impatiently. "Will that be all then, Sire?" he asked, desperately wanting to get out of the council chambers now. Maybe if he could just breathe some fresher air...

Arthur considered him for a moment before replying. "So the only reason this happened was because you skipped breakfast?"

Merlin nodded.

"You're sure?" Arthur asked.

"Yes, of course," Merlin replied quickly.

Arthur frowned. With Gaius gone, Merlin was the most qualified person in Camelot at the moment to give a medical opinion. Therefore, he had no choice but to trust his judgment on the matter.

"Okay," the King said at last. "Go eat something before returning to your duties."

"Right," Merlin said taking a few careful steps towards the exit, fully aware of the fact that Arthur was watching him closely as he moved. As soon as he was sure that he was capable of walking, he immediately quickened his pace.

"Oh, and Merlin?" Arthur called after his manservant when Merlin had reached the other side of the room.

Merlin turned back around to look at Arthur expectantly. "Yes, Sire?"

"Don't let this happen again."

Merlin nodded. "Of course." Then he hurried from the room.

He needed to get back to Gaius' chambers. He needed to figure out what was going on inside of him. He needed to figure out why he felt so cold.

He needed answers. And fast. Otherwise, despite his assurance to Arthur that what had just happened in the council chambers would not be repeated, he knew that it _would_ happen again.

Merlin pulled his jacket tighter around himself as he hurried towards the physician's chambers. He hated feeling so helpless. So powerless. He sighed as he began to walk even faster.

If only all he really needed was something to eat, like Arthur seemed to think. Perhaps an apple or a slice of bread.

But somehow Merlin doubted that the solution to his problem was going to be that easy. Because, really, when were _any_ of the solutions to _any_ of his problems ever that easy?

Merlin sighed again as he thought about the answer to that question.

He really wished Gaius was here.

* * *

**A/N: Feedback makes me really, _really,_ happy. _Extremely _happy, in fact. And so I think it goes without saying that any and all reviews would be _greatly _appreciated. Until next time! :)**


	7. Losing Control

**A/N: I know, I know. I've taken way too long in updating this story. I really am sorry, but life's starting to get a little crazy again. I start school again on Monday, and so unfortunately, updates for this story as well as the other two I am working on will continue to be a bit unpredictable. But don't worry. I _will _update whenever I can. I start to go a little crazy when I go too long without writing :)**

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When Merlin finally reached the quiet of the physician's chambers, he closed the door behind him and leaned heavily against the wood for a minute, taking some deep breaths as he waited for another dizzy spell to pass.

Eventually, he pushed away from the door and headed over to Gaius' medicine stores. He pulled out the potion that he had been carrying around in his pocket all morning and finished the contents in one gulp. Then as he coughed and spluttered at the horrible taste, he began scanning over the other bottles, wondering what Gaius would prescribe for the suffocating cold that was currently gripping at his insides.

Merlin's thoughts were interrupted, however, when, for the second time that day, his vision became blurred, and he was unable to read any of the labels on the bottles before him. He closed his eyes as he tried to come up with a solution to his problem. But it was so hard to think when he was so _cold._ It _hurt._

He was very tempted to just use the heating spell that he had used yesterday. It wasn't a permanent solution, he knew, but at least it would offer some temporary relief.

Only, when he had used that spell the first time to warm his body up, it had given him a splitting headache. And seeing as his head was _already _pounding mercilessly, Merlin found himself feeling rather reluctant to give it another try.

The warlock let out a groan as a sudden jolt of pain passed through his head and then worked its way down through the rest of his body before finally fading away into a dull ache. Merlin grabbed onto the shelf for support as he began to sway on his feet, and took a few more breaths, at a complete loss as to how to go about treating this illness. As soon as he was able to regain his balance, he went back to looking through the rows and rows of medications.

Losing patience, Merlin finally selected a potion that Gaius often prescribed for general aches and pains. He quickly downed a quarter of the bottle before having to steady himself as he swayed once again, the room blurring as he did so.

He blinked several times, until the room came back into focus, and then turned his attention towards the nearest bookshelf. Just the sight of all those books made Merlin feel exhausted, but he knew that he couldn't waste even a moment of his time on sleeping.

Because Arthur had only given Merlin enough time to himself to get something to eat. Then he was expected to return to his normal duties for the remainder of the day. And that meant that Merlin didn't have much time, and he was going to have to spend every second of it researching his strange illness.

Merlin moved over to one of the bookshelves and began to scan the titles, wondering which books would prove to be the most useful. His eyes fell on some medical texts, and then several that dealt with magic and, Merlin hoped, magical illnesses. He selected a few volumes that looked promising before heading back over to the table with a small stack of books in his arms.

Merlin sat down, took another swallow of the pain medication he was still carrying with him, and then pulled the first book towards him. Hopefully, he would get lucky.

* * *

It was slow, tedious, work. And Merlin really didn't have that much time. He flipped through the pages, skimming over the words in the hopes of finding something, _anything, _that could be useful. He looked for information on magic-suppressing cuffs, but had no luck finding even a mention of them. And none of the magical ailments he read about listed "insides turning to ice" as a symptom.

Merlin closed his third book in frustration and rubbed at his eyes. The pain medication had done very little to ease the tightness in his chest, and he now felt almost numb with cold. He sighed heavily, regretting it almost instantly when it caused a fresh wave of pain to radiate out from his chest. He knew he had been away from his duties for far too long already. If he didn't show up to work soon, Arthur was likely to send someone to come looking for him.

And that was really the last thing he needed right now. Merlin turned towards yet another book and reached out to grab it. He could spare just a few more minutes, he told himself.

But that was when it happened. Suddenly, Merlin felt a rush of magic flooding to his fingertips, fighting to get out, to be released. Confused, he closed his eyes and focused on calming his magic. He felt it slowly retreat from the surface and Merlin felt a huge wave of relief wash over him then, which was shortly followed by one of anxiety.

He had very nearly lost control of his magic just now. That was something that _never _happened. At least, it hadn't happened since Merlin was a very small child. Shaken, Merlin slowly stood up from the table and began pacing back and forth. He had thought he was in a mess before, but now... If he was losing control of his magic...

Merlin could feel it building inside of him again. His magic was attempting to surge forth and force its way out, and it was taking nearly every ounce of Merlin's strength to suppress it. A few seconds passed, and Merlin thought that he had succeeded in regaining control. He was standing at the back of the chambers now, right near Gaius' medicine stores again.

But then he felt something within him release and, with a flash of golden eyes, the books that had been stacked on the table flew across the room and straight towards Merlin, who was not quick enough to avoid getting hit in the side of the head by one of the heavier volumes.

Merlin stumbled backwards, clutching at his pounding head as he struggled to comprehend what had just happened. He groaned and turned around, intending to locate some of Gaius' stronger pain medication. It proved to be a huge mistake.

Because in that moment, another rush of power suddenly overtook Merlin's body and, before he even had a chance to stop it, his eyes were flashing gold once more.

Suddenly, the rows and rows of potion bottles that Merlin had been staring at shattered and exploded into thousands of pieces with such force that Merlin was knocked to the ground, where he managed to bang his already throbbing head against the hard floor.

Merlin let out a pained moan as he lay on the floor, dazed and confused. He was vaguely aware of all of the glass that was still falling off the shelf all around him and managed to lift an arm up over his face for protection. His mind was working slowly. Far, far too slowly. A few seconds passed in which Merlin didn't even move at all. He was just trying to figure out what exactly had happened. How he had ended up on the floor.

But then, he heard the door bang open, and Merlin was suddenly jolted back into reality. Someone was here. Someone was here _now. _Not even a minute after Merlin had completely lost control of his magic, someone was bursting into the physician's chambers. He tried to move, to stand up. But his head was spinning, and Merlin was feeling severely weakened at the moment. And so he really had no choice but to stay put.

"Merlin!" a voice called out in alarm.

Merlin sighed. He recognized that voice. It was Leon.

_"Great,"_ Merlin thought to himself as he heard Leon rush over from the doorway. _"Now how am I supposed to explain this?"_

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**A/N: It's a bit of a cliffhanger, I know. Sorry about that. But hopefully I'll be able to get the next chapter up soon. In the meantime, though, I would love any kind of feedback you could give me. Until next time! :)**


	8. Questions

**A/N: Hey everyone! It's been a long time, I know. And unfortunately, updates from now until mid-December are going to continue to be pretty slow for all of my stories, due to the fact that I've started school again, and I'm taking four classes that all require an insane amount of studying. (Comparative Vertebrate Anatomy, anyone?) **

**So anyways, updates for any of my stories will most likely fall on a Friday or Saturday, when I give myself a little bit of free time to just relax. And on that note, enjoy Chapter 8!**

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"Merlin!" Leon said again, as he reached the spot where Merlin was lying motionless on the floor.

Merlin blinked a few times as he removed his arm from his face and stared up at the ceiling, realizing that the room had finally gone still. He spent a few seconds trying to concentrate on making his brain work faster. He needed to come up with an explanation for – whatever it was that had just happened. And he didn't have much time.

Suddenly, Leon's face filled Merlin's vision, and Merlin frowned as he registered the concern on the knight's face.

"Merlin?" Leon asked, urgently, crouching down to place a hand on the young man's shoulder.

Merlin blinked again and took a quick glance around the room. "I'm fine," he finally managed to say. "Just...fell over."

Leon raised his eyebrows, but chose not to comment on that statement just now. "We need to get you out of this mess," he said, looking around at all of the liquid and glass littered on the floor around Merlin. "Can you stand?"

Merlin considered that question for a moment. Besides his throbbing head, the rest of him didn't feel _too_ bad. He finally nodded in answer, then, and attempted to sit up.

Merlin suppressed a small groan as he forced himself into a sitting position. Perhaps he was a little more battered than he had thought.

"Right," Leon said. "I'm going to pull you up."

And then, before Merlin even had a chance to reply, Leon grabbed underneath Merlin's arms and pulled him into a standing position, the young man finally letting out a moan as he did so.

"Sorry, Merlin," Leon apologized. "But I had to get you off the floor." The knight was half-leading, half-dragging Merlin away from all the debris of the explosion.

Merlin just nodded and, finally starting to get his bearings back, gently pushed away from Leon. "I'm fine, Leon. Really." And although Merlin still felt slightly dizzy, he was happy to note that he didn't sway on his feet as soon as he was left to support his own weight.

And then another thought occurred to him. The cold in his chest – that squeezing, suffocating feeling – had been greatly reduced.

It was not completely gone, of course. Merlin still felt slightly chilled inside as he absently rubbed a hand over his chest. But it was a vast improvement over what he had felt only a few minutes ago. Before his magic had gone berserk.

"Merlin," Leon said.

"Really, I feel okay," Merlin cut in. "Just a few bruises, is all."

"Merlin, look at your hand."

Merlin looked down at his hand then, his eyes widening at the sight. "Oh."

Leon shook his head as he watched Merlin stare blankly at the blood gushing out of his palm. "We'll need to fix that," he stated.

Merlin nodded, suddenly feeling dizzy again. Looking down, he saw that his other hand had a few small cuts, as well. And the arm that he had flung over his face in protection. "I'll just...clean myself up, then. It doesn't look too serious."

Leon's eyes darted to the pile of glass on the floor. "What happened?" he finally asked.

Merlin grabbed a washcloth and began washing the blood off his hand over the bucket of water on the table, trying not to hiss in pain at the stinging sensation. "I don't know," he answered at last, not having been able to come up with a better answer in his current state. "I just walked over to the shelf and it...exploded."

Leon frowned as he walked over to where Merlin was standing. "How bad is it?"

Merlin tried not to flinch at the knight's sudden close proximity. If Leon found out the truth..."Not too bad. The cut isn't very deep. It'll just need to be bandaged and-"

"Your other cuts will need to be cleaned, too," Leon interrupted.

Merlin nodded in agreement. "Of course."

"But perhaps we should do it elsewhere."

Merlin gave Leon a confused look. "Why?"

"Because until we find out what happened, this room may not be safe."

"I'm sure it's fine," Merlin replied without thinking.

Leon raised his eyebrows. "Merlin, that whole wall of potions just _exploded._"

Merlin sighed. There would be no point in arguing, he realized. It wasn't as though he could explain to Leon that _he _was the reason for the explosion. "Alright."

"After you finish with your hand, we'll gather whatever supplies you think you'll need to get the rest of yourself patched up and then go, okay?"

Merlin nodded as he continued to tend to his hand. His heart began pounding in his chest as he worked. He wanted, _needed_, to be alone. In case he lost control again. In case next time, something far worse happened.

* * *

Merlin followed Leon through the castle, after having insisted that he did not need any help with walking. Leon was carrying the salve and bandages that Merlin said he would need for the remainder of his injuries, and kept casting a worried gaze over at the young man. At least Merlin _thought_ the knight seemed worried. He supposed the expression could be interpreted as _suspicious._ But that was completely ridiculous, of course. Merlin was feeling rather paranoid at the moment.

When they were several corridors away from the physician's chambers, Leon suddenly stopped a young serving girl.

"We'll need some fresh water sent to the King and Queen's chambers immediately," he said to the girl, who gave a quick curtsy before hurrying off to do as the knight had ordered.

"Why are we going _there?"_ Merlin asked, suddenly feeling panicked. The last thing he wanted to do right now was to face Arthur.

"The King's been looking for you, Merlin. You'll need to explain to him what happened."

"But I don't _know _what happened."

"He's still going to want you to explain everything that you did leading up to the incident. We can't just overlook this, Merlin. If someone meant to attack you-"

Merlin rubbed the back of his aching head with his newly bandaged hand. "It's really not necessary to investigate this, Leon."

Leon gave Merlin a strange look, but did not respond. A silence settled between them then until they arrived at the royal chambers.

Leon raised his knuckles to knock on the door and opened it only after hearing Arthur's call of "Enter" from the other side.

The knight swept into the room, Merlin following rather reluctantly behind. He stared nervously at the floor as he stood just behind Leon. He wasn't ready for an interrogation right now. He needed time to himself to sort through what had happened. But it didn't look like that was going to occur.

"Merlin! What happened to you?"

Merlin looked up to see Gwen hurrying over to him, concern and worry etched onto her face.

"I'm fine, Gwen," he mumbled, as the Queen immediately led him over to a chair.

"There is some fresh water on the way," Leon explained, setting the medical supplies down on the table.

"What happened?" the question was repeated. Only this time it was Arthur who had spoken. Merlin caught a glimpse of him standing behind Gwen, and he was staring over her shoulder at his manservant. "How did you manage to injure yourself _this _time, _Mer_lin?"

Merlin didn't answer. He wasn't sure what to say. But then Leon spoke up, drawing Arthur's attention away from Merlin for a few moments, at least.

"There was an... _incident,_ Sire." Leon began.

"What kind of incident?"

Leon took a deep breath and began to explain the situation to Arthur. Soon after, a bucket of fresh water arrived at the chambers, and Gwen began to clean the rest of Merlin's wounds while Leon continued to talk. Unsure of what else to do, Merlin just remained silent, hoping that the King would not take this whole thing as seriously as Leon had.

But by the time Leon had finished speaking, both Gwen and Arthur wore expressions of alarm. Arthur turned his attention back to Merlin, who forced himself to meet the King's gaze so as not to appear too guilty.

"What happened, Merlin?" he asked.

"I don't know," Merlin replied, shaking his head. He just hoped that the King wouldn't hear the nervousness in his voice.

Arthur turned back to Leon, then. "Take Gwaine with you and go search the debris for anything that looks suspicious and may have caused this to happen."

"Of course, Sire." Leon said. He inclined his head towards both of the royals then before taking his leave.

When the knight was gone, Arthur turned back to Merlin.

Merlin could feel the icy cold feeling starting to squeeze his chest again. He clenched his less injured hand into a fist as he focused on breathing as normally as possible. He needed to get out of here soon. He couldn't think. It was too crowded. And if he lost control of his magic again...

Merlin had to look away from the King's eyes as he suppressed a shiver at the thought.

He could _not _allow that to happen.

* * *

**A/N: Reviews really make my day. Especially when I'm trying to memorize all of the parts of a cat, shark, and mudpuppy skeleton and getting _extremely _frustrated in the process (You gotta love anatomy). Until next time! :)**


	9. Afraid

**A/N: Hey, guys! So I _finally _found some time to sit down and write this chapter. It has been driving me crazy that I've had to go so long without updating. But school has been really insane this semester. In fact, as soon as this chapter is posted, I'll be jumping right back into studying, as I have two tests next week that I need to prepare for. There was _no way _I was going to let another weekend go by, however, without this story getting an update. Enjoy!**

* * *

Arthur frowned as he watched Merlin carefully for a few moments in the silence that followed Sir Leon's departure. His manservant was nervous. That much was obvious. Although it was clear that he was doing his very best to conceal that fact from the royals.

Merlin smoothed the features of his face into what he hoped would be an unreadable expression. But it did not escape Arthur's notice how quickly Merlin had broken eye contact with him under his scrutinizing gaze. And how his manservant kept glancing over at the door, as though he wanted nothing more than to make a run for it.

"Merlin," Arthur finally broke the silence.

Merlin seemed to tense at the sound of his name, his body going completely still. He reluctantly turned his head back towards Arthur after another few seconds of silence. But he was no longer able to meet the King's eyes.

"What?" he said in response, trying not to sound too fearful.

Frowning at this reaction, Arthur considered for a moment the best way to go about this conversation.

"Is there anything you need to tell me?" he finally asked, when he could no longer stand the continued silence.

Merlin didn't answer right away. He was aware of Gwen still standing at his shoulder, staring down at him in concern with a comforting hand resting on his arm.

At least it was meant to be comforting, he supposed. But at the moment, it only seemed to be adding to his anxiety. He felt cornered, trapped. And unless he got out of this room soon, there was no telling what his magic might do.

Because he could start to feel the slow build-up of power as his insides squeezed tighter, forcing his magic closer to the surface.

"I already told you that I don't know what happened," Merlin finally replied, his voice slightly strained.

"Well, there is definitely _something_ going on with you," Arthur responded.

"I don't know what-" Merlin started to say.

"You couldn't lie to save your life, Merlin," Arthur interrupted, the tone of his voice reflecting his frustration.

"Arthur," Gwen cut in, "Is this really necessary right now?"

Arthur sighed as he crossed his arms, never taking his eyes off of Merlin. There was another brief moment of silence in the royal chambers before the King decided to try again.

"You've been acting strangely these past couple days, Merlin. You've been distracted-"

"That has nothing to do with this," Merlin interrupted quietly.

"Right," Arthur answered sarcastically. "And what about that little episode in the council chambers earlier? I suppose _that _has nothing to do with this either."

Merlin didn't answer. He turned his head away to glare determinedly at the floor, his mind working furiously as he focused on keeping his magic under control. His chest was now impossibly tight, his insides freezing cold. It was getting harder to form any kind of coherent thought in his brain. And the royals were still staring at him.

"Well, say something!" Arthur finally snapped.

Merlin frowned, trying to think clearly through the haze that was settling over his mind. "What do you want me to say?"

Arthur threw his hands up in frustration. "_Mer_lin!"

"May I go now, Sire?" Merlin asked.

"What?" Arthur replied incredulously.

"Well I _do _have a lot of work to do," Merlin explained.

"I think it can wait, Merlin," Gwen said softly, squeezing his arm a little tighter.

"I'm _fine_," Merlin insisted, standing up and gently pulling away from the Queen's grasp.

For a moment, it looked like Arthur was going to argue. To insist that Merlin sit back down and tell them what was wrong. But then the King let out another deep sigh and waved his hand towards the door.

"Fine. Go...polish my armor then."

Merlin just nodded before hurrying over to the door. As soon as he had grasped the handle, however, Arthur spoke again.

"Merlin."

Merlin turned impatiently to look at the King. He could feel his magic surging forwards, threatening to escape at any moment. It would not be suppressed for much longer.

"Yes, Sire?"

"Do not return to the physician's chambers until they have been deemed safe. Hopefully Leon and Gwaine will be able to find some clues as to what happened."

Merlin suppressed a sigh. "Right."

Arthur nodded then, satisfied with that answer. "You may go."

* * *

No sooner had the words of his dismissal left Arthur's mouth than Merlin was gone, hurrying down the corridor and finally, _finally_, away from Arthur's questioning glares.

He hurried through the castle, dodging servants and guards, determined to make his way outside where he could find a safe spot in the forest to release some of the power that was threatening to explode from him at any moment.

But after only a minute or so, Merlin knew he wasn't going to make it. His magic was pooling at his fingertips, pushing to be released. He wasn't going to be able to hold it in for much longer.

Looking around, Merlin turned down a silent corridor where there were several unused guest chambers. He wrenched one of the doors open and darted inside, letting out a groan as his head started to pound mercilessly and his vision began to blur.

When the door was closed behind him, Merlin leaned heavily against the wood for a moment as he fought to catch his breath while still trying to maintain control over his magic.

Merlin closed his eyes as he tried to clear his head. He just needed to release a bit of magic. Just a small amount.

Then he would be able to avoid another explosion.

At least he hoped so.

Pushing away from the door, Merlin took a few steps into the room and looked around, trying to decide what he should do.

"_Something small_," he thought to himself. "_Something small and simple."_

Merlin's vision came back into focus as he spotted the candle sitting on the side table near the window.

"_Okay," _he thought. "_Just light the candle."_

Merlin raised his hand towards the candle and concentrated. Then he whispered the spell.

But to Merlin's horror, nothing happened. Except that his head seared with pain from the small effort it had taken to utter the spell. Merlin stood in shock as he stared at the candle that should be burning brightly with a small, flickering flame right now. But no such flame had appeared.

It didn't make any sense.

His magic was practically _clawing _at him to get out. Putting pressure on his skull and pushing at his fingertips. And yet it hadn't reacted to his incantation. It was as though his magic was completely beyond his control.

Frustrated, Merlin raised his hand again. He was determined to light the candle. He focused harder than he ever had before on the spell he used for producing fire as he took a few steps closer to the object of his concentration. His head hurt, the pressure on his chest was almost too much now. He desperately needed to find some relief.

He spoke the incantation, louder and more clearly this time. And his eyes flashed gold.

But it wasn't the candle that was lit.

Several feet to the left of the table on which the candle sat, large flames roared to life in the fireplace. The warmth radiated out into the room and Merlin immediately felt dizzy. He stumbled backwards, his eyes fixated on the bright orange flames, until he bumped into the end of the bed.

Breathing heavily and completely exhausted, Merlin sank down to the floor, leaning against the bed. He couldn't stop staring at the fire that he hadn't meant to create. The flames danced merrily in the grate; mocking him, he supposed.

He had been scared before. Terrified even. But now? It felt as though his magic had turned against him. It seemed to be acting completely of its own accord.

The pressure on Merlin's chest had eased up a little bit at the small release of power. But it was hardly enough. More would need to be released, and soon.

A fear like nothing Merlin had ever felt before settled over him. He had never been _afraid _of his own magic before. It had always been there for him when he needed it. But now the very thought of using it made him tremble with terror.

Merlin felt sick. His whole body was wracked with shivers despite the warmth that was pouring out of the fireplace. And still his eyes were unable to leave those flames.

A few seconds passed. There was no sound in the room except for the crackle of the flames and Merlin's fast, heavy breathing as he continued to shiver uncontrollably.

And then it happened again.

Merlin's magic surged forward and there was nothing that he could do to stop it. It burst out of him with such force that Merlin's exhausted body gave out and he slumped onto the floor. Around him, he heard a lot of crashing and banging, but he was too weak to pick his head up to see what was happening.

The last thought that Merlin had before he passed out on the floor was that his magic felt so _foreign _to him now. Gone was its familiar warmth and comfort. Now it simply left him feeling cold.

Cold and afraid.

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**A/N: Please let me know what you think! Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated. I have no idea when the next update will come, but hopefully it will not be such a long wait this time. (Fingers crossed.) Until next time! :)**


	10. Trapped

**A/N: Hey guys! Another chapter is finally done, and it's a longer one this time! :) I would just like to take the time to thank my sister for reading through this tonight so that I could get some feedback before posting it. She was already half-asleep when I called her and asked her to read it for me, but she did it anyway. (Thanks for that). **

**Anyway, I have another busy couple of weeks ahead of me, and so the next update may be a little while. I'm sort of hoping that the length of this chapter will make up for it though...Maybe? No? Alright, then. Enjoy the chapter.**

* * *

"There's nothing here," Gwaine declared, after only a few moments of surveying the debris that littered the floor of the physician's chambers.

Leon looked over at the other knight from his position near the shelf where the explosion had taken place.

"We have to search everywhere, Gwaine. Look for anything unusual."

"I have, and there's nothing here," Gwaine insisted. "Whatever caused this mess must not have survived the explosion."

"Maybe," Leon conceded. "But it could have still left a trace. Keep looking."

Gwaine sighed, still doubtful of their chances at finding anything. Whatever had caused the explosion had likely been some sort of potion or other kind of liquid that had been present in one of the many bottles or jars that currently lay smashed into thousands of tiny pieces. In which case they stood absolutely no chance at all of identifying it, now that all of the medicines had been mixed into giant puddles on the floor.

And in any case, all Gwaine really wanted to do at the moment was to go find Merlin to make sure he was okay. Gwaine imagined that the young man must be fairly shaken up over this whole incident if Leon's description of events was anything to go by.

The knight took another good look around the floor, then, using the tip of his sword to move the bits and pieces of glass around. He knew it would likely be completely pointless in the end, but he was willing to give it a try if there was even the slimmest of chances of figuring out what had happened. Because if this hadn't been an accident, and someone had meant to hurt Merlin...

Gwaine's eyes fell on a couple of the books that lay amongst the rest of the mess on the floor, and the knight frowned. Stepping carefully around the glass and liquid in his way, he slowly made his way over to where a couple of the larger volumes were, and picked them up off the floor.

Looking at them closely, Gwaine realized that they were a couple of Gaius' medical texts. Only they were quite a ways away from where they belonged on the other side of the room. In fact, he and Leon were currently in the only corner of the room that didn't even _have_ a bookshelf.

Turning around, Gwaine scanned the rest of the room. None of the books on any of the bookshelves seemed to have been disturbed by the explosion. So then where did these books come from? Scanning the floor once more, the knight noted that, in addition to the two he held in his hands, there were five other books spread throughout the mess.

"What are these books doing here?" he finally said aloud, flipping through a few potion-soaked pages of one of the texts he was holding.

Leon hardly spared the other knight a glance as he continued to examine the medical supply shelf with a careful eye. "They're _books_, Gwaine. The room is full of them," he said, slightly exasperated.

"But what are they doing _here_?" Gwaine continued. "There are no bookshelves over here."

Leon sighed and shook his head. "Where exactly are you going with this Gwaine? You've been in the physician's chambers many times before. Is it so unusual for things to be a bit out of place in here?"

"Well, no," Gwaine admitted.

"Then what exactly are you trying to get at?"

Gwaine shrugged. "It's just a bit strange is all," he answered, snapping the book that he was currently looking at closed and shifting it in his arms so that he could open the other one.

Leon just shook his head again but remained silent.

The frown that had made its way onto Gwaine's face only deepened as he flipped through the second book. Then he stooped down to pick up another volume and looked through that for a moment.

"There's an awful lot of information in these books about magic," the knight spoke again.

"As physician, Gaius sometimes has to treat magical illnesses, too," Leon reasoned, as he straightened up, finally deciding that there was nothing to discover on the shelf.

"But Gaius isn't here. And there hasn't been a magical illness in _ages_," Gwaine said, more to himself than to Leon.

"Your point being?" Leon prompted.

"What are they _doing _over here?" Gwaine came back to his original question.

Leon sighed, now convinced that Gwaine was simply trying to highlight the fact that the task they were currently carrying out was a hopeless one.

"I really couldn't tell you, Gwaine," he answered at last. "Perhaps you can question Gaius on his organization of books when he returns."

Gwaine closed the book he had been staring at and turned his attention back to the floor. "I think I'll just ask Merlin about it later."

Leon rolled his eyes. "Fine. Now can we please finish this investigation so that we can report back to Arthur?"

Gwaine nodded. "Right. Let's get this over with."

* * *

Merlin's eyes fluttered open as a groan escaped his lips. It quickly turned into a cough, however, as he began to push himself up from where he had been lying unconscious on the hard, dusty floor. He blinked a few times in confusion once he was in a sitting position, before suddenly breaking out into a harsh fit of coughing.

"_Burning. Something is burning_," he thought dimly through the fog that was currently clouding his mind. He could feel the heat on his skin, taste the smoke in his mouth. He coughed again.

And then he remembered.

Merlin's head snapped up and his eyes immediately swept through the room. There was still a blazing fire in the fireplace. Only it seemed to have grown bigger since Merlin had lost consciousness, and it was hissing and spitting sparks of fire into the room which now looked as though a small tornado had recently passed through it. Tables and chairs had been upturned. A vase in the corner had been smashed to pieces. And the door to a cupboard on the other side of the room had flown open, its contents of goblets and other dishes having fallen to the floor.

But that wasn't all. Because Merlin soon realized with horror that there were long flames licking up the curtains in the window to the right of the fireplace. And another smaller fire was beginning to spread across the floor, making its way to where Merlin sat stunned, his heart pounding in his chest.

Without thinking, Merlin put a hand up and whispered the spell that he knew should extinguish the flames. A second later, his eyes turned molten gold.

And then the fire was gone.

The room was silent for several long seconds. Merlin coughed again as he breathed in a bit of the lingering smoke in the room, and he took a few gasping breaths as he tried to get some fresh air into his lungs. And then it occurred to him.

His magic had worked. He'd spoken the spell, and his magic had responded the way he had wanted it to. Just like it always had. Just like it was _supposed _to.

Merlin's hand went to his chest. He didn't feel as cold as he had before, although the tightness was definitely still there. In fact, even as he sat there in stunned silence, breathing heavily as he leaned against the bed at his back, Merlin could feel his insides being squeezed tighter and tighter within him.

Despite this, however, Merlin decided to keep going. He began reciting several spells in quick succession as he attempted to put the room to rights again. And, to his amazement and immense relief, it worked.

Merlin watched as the chairs righted themselves and as the goblets soared back into their places. Within moments, the room looked much the same as it had when Merlin had entered it. Except for the vase, Merlin noted with irritation.

"_No wonder I'm terrible at healing spells. I can't even fix a broken _vase."

Seeing no other options, Merlin simply swept the broken pieces of glass under the bed with a wave of his hand. He would just have to come back to clean it up properly at a later time.

But then, just as he was thinking about leaving, Merlin felt the cold returning to his chest. And this time it hurt far worse than it had before. Merlin found himself gasping for air as his insides squeezed tighter inside of him.

Unfortunately, he had no time to dwell on the issue. Because suddenly Merlin could hear quick footsteps coming down the corridor outside. And if he wanted to avoid a lot of awkward questions about what exactly he was doing in this room, he needed to find a place to hide. _Now_.

Merlin pushed himself to his feet, using the bed for support as he tried to find his balance. His chest hurt terribly, but he pushed that to the back of his mind as he looked around for a place to hide. Spotting the wardrobe, Merlin hurried over to it and only just managed to throw himself inside and close the door when the door to the guest chambers swung open and someone entered.

Merlin looked through the small crack in the wardrobe.

It was a young woman, a serving girl, who had entered the chambers. She glanced around the entire room, a confused look on her face.

"Now, I could have _sworn _I heard a crash in here," she spoke quietly to herself. She moved further into the room, looking around suspiciously. Her eyes stopped on the fireplace. No doubt she had caught the faint smell of smoke in the air.

"_Please just go away. Go away and forget about it," _Merlin was practically begging in his head as his chest became numb with cold.

Thankfully, the girl lingered for only a moment longer before shaking her head and taking her leave, mumbling to herself as she went.

Merlin breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the chamber door close behind her. He raised his hand to push the wardrobe door open then, wanting nothing more than to get out of this room himself.

But unfortunately, it was at that moment that, without warning, Merlin's eyes flashed gold again, his magic pushing itself out of his fingertips. He heard a faint sound, like the clicking of a lock, and the realization dawned on Merlin before he even attempted to open the door.

He was trapped.

Merlin pushed as hard as he could against the wood with both hands, but it was no use. The door was locked. His _own magic_ had locked it. Had trapped him inside the wardrobe. And now Merlin was at a complete loss as to what he should do.

Because, quite frankly, the thought of using his magic at the moment to try to get out of this mess was somewhat terrifying. What if he only ended up doing more damage? Like setting the entire wardrobe on fire while he was trapped inside?

Merlin shuddered at that thought as he pushed up against the door again, this time using his shoulder against the stubborn wood. But the door didn't budge, and with this failed attempt, Merlin was getting closer and closer to panicking.

He continued to try several more times to push the door open on his own, his feeling of desperation steadily growing within him as the door continued to hold firm. No amount of banging or kicking or pushing seemed to do any good. And what only made things worse was the fact that his insides were once again like ice, and Merlin was feeling dizzier and dizzier with each passing minute.

With no other options available to him, Merlin finally raised his hand up in front of him. It was his last resort. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes briefly before opening them again and saying the spell aloud. A few seconds passed then.

But nothing happened.

And Merlin didn't know what to do.

* * *

Arthur let out a sigh after listening to Leon and Gwaine's report of their findings in the physician's chambers. "So you found nothing at all?"

"Unfortunately, no," Leon answered. "Not even a trace." Next to him, Gwaine simply nodded in agreement.

Arthur nodded. "I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised," he said. "Has the mess been cleaned up?"

"I didn't want to do so without your word on the matter, Sire," Leon answered. "In case you wanted to conduct another search."

"I don't think that'll be necessary, Leon. I trust that you conducted a thorough search. You may see to it now that the chambers are properly cleaned," Arthur responded, nodding his dismissal.

Leon gave a quick bow before heading for the door then. But Gwaine didn't move.

"Where's Merlin?" he asked the king, looking pointedly around the chambers as though he half expected to see the young man there.

"I don't know," Arthur answered, his voice turning slightly irritated. He knew that his manservant was trying to avoid him. The man was clearly hiding something.

"You don't know?" Gwaine repeated, raising his eyebrows.

"I sent him to go clean my armor a while ago. I haven't seen him since."

"You made him go back to work after what just _happened_ to him?" Gwaine said incredulously.

"_He's _the one who wanted to go back to work," Arthur argued. "I was more than willing to give him the rest of the day off."

Gwaine looked like he was about to continue the argument when a knock came at the door.

"Enter," Arthur called out, thankful for the distraction.

The door swung open and in came George, a pile of freshly laundered clothes folded neatly in his arms.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Sire. I simply wanted to drop off your clothing."

"That's fine, George. Just leave them on the bed. Merlin can put them away when he gets back from polishing my armor."

George frowned. "Polishing your armor, Sire?"

"Is something wrong, George?" Arthur asked.

"Well, _I _was just in the armory a short while ago, Sire. I took it upon myself to polish your armor while I was there. I didn't see Merlin, though. Did he only just leave?"

Arthur and Gwaine both exchanged a look.

"That idiot," Arthur said. "Where would he go?"

Gwaine just shook his head and moved towards the door. "That's what I'm going to go find out."

* * *

Merlin had never suffered from claustrophobia before. Growing up in Ealdor, he had often found himself in small, tight spaces in the caves he used to play in with Will. He remembered how there had been some tunnels that had been so small and narrow, that his friend had refused to enter them, for fear of getting stuck inside and never getting out again.

But Merlin hadn't been afraid. He remembered one long narrow tunnel in particular that had sloped upwards at an angle and required him to crawl on his stomach in the dark for several minutes until he would finally emerge into what he liked to call his "hiding place", a small little room with large rocks that served as perfect chairs for Merlin to just sit and think. The only way in or out of that room had been that small, narrow tunnel in the caves. Merlin remembered how he used to light up that tunnel and the little room with his magic so that he could see everything more easily. He'd make little balls of light dance around in the air and he would just sit and watch them for hours on end. And Merlin had loved it. It had been his own special place.

Merlin opened his eyes. Hardly any light at all now reached him through the tiny crack in the wardrobe. It was nighttime. He was now sitting on the floor of the wardrobe, his knees drawn up to his chin. And he was terrified.

What if he never got out? Nobody would think to come looking for him here. His situation was completely and utterly hopeless.

Merlin shook his head, his whole body quivering. "My own magic is what's going to kill me," he whispered aloud. That thought was somehow even more chilling than the cold that was mercilessly squeezing his insides and causing him to gasp for breath.

Merlin looked around the tiny, confined space he now found himself in. And suddenly it was as though the walls were closing in on him, squeezing him even tighter than whatever it was that was gripping his chest. There was no air in here. At least, not enough of it. Merlin found himself pushing against the walls of his prison, trying to keep them from closing in and crushing him.

He wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. As his panic level rose again, he started pounding against the door, yelling for help in the hopes that somebody, _anybody_, would hear him.

But it was no use. Hardly anybody ever came down this way when there were no guests in the castle. The chances that anybody would hear him were nearly nonexistent. Merlin found his thoughts wandering to the serving girl that he had been hiding from in the first place. But she would be long gone by now. And likely wouldn't be coming back.

Which meant that Merlin was on his own. Again. Just like always. Only this time, he was truly alone. Because his magic no longer seemed to be his own. It was working against him.

And yet, if he wanted to get out of here, he was going to have to make it work for him again.

And so he closed his eyes and concentrated_._

This time, Merlin didn't think about any spells or incantations. He instead chose to focus on all of that raw, instinctual magic that was all he had had when he had been younger. Back when all he had done when he wanted something was to imagine it in his head. Like the little balls of light that had lit up his little cave room back home.

Merlin imagined the door to the wardrobe opening. He focused all of his attention into that one vision in his mind. He _had_ to get out.

Merlin slowly began to push some of his magic to the very tips of his fingers. He nearly lost his concentration, however, when he started to feel his magic resisting him, trying to pull back even as he urged it forward. It was a completely unsettling feeling and one that Merlin would be glad never to feel again. But he couldn't think about it now. He needed to focus.

A full minute passed in which nothing happened, and Merlin's desperation was mounting again. His magic continued to push back against him, and Merlin began to worry that even if he did manage to force it out, that it wouldn't do what he wanted it to do.

But at this point, it was a risk he was going to have to take.

Another minute passed. Then two. Merlin knew he couldn't keep this up for much longer. His body was exhausted. Fighting against his own magic was completely draining him.

And then, when he knew he couldn't push himself any further, Merlin let out a small, frustrated cry and let his head fall back to bang against the wall of the wardrobe.

And his eyes flashed gold.

Hardly able to believe it, Merlin sat up straighter as the sound of the wardrobe door swinging open reached his ears. And then he was scrambling out of his wooden prison as fast as he could on his hands and knees, gasping for breath as a fresh wave of relief washed over him.

He was on his feet in seconds then, despite his utter exhaustion, and hurrying towards the door. Wrenching it open quickly, he hurried into the corridor and away from the guest chambers, desperate for some fresh air.

He needed to get outside. He needed to call the dragon _tonight._ This couldn't go on any longer. This had to stop. Things had gotten far too dangerous for him to simply pretend that nothing was wrong anymore. Now if he could just slip out of the castle unnoticed and then-

"Merlin!" a voice called out from behind him.

Merlin's heart sank. "_Not now,_" he thought, freezing in his tracks but not turning around.

The footsteps came closer and then Arthur was right behind him.

"Merlin? Where have you _been_?"

* * *

**A/N: Reviews never fail to make me smile. And with the amount of stress I'm currently under right now, all reviews are _especially _appreciated. Until next time! :) **


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